Suddenly, after feeling pretty good about job applications, I’ve become burnt out and plagued with self doubt. (No one’s going to hire me! No one’s even going to interview me! I’m doing it all wrong!) It’s one of those days, for sure, when I’m just slogging through, living for my 5 minute tomato breaks.
Would it be so wrong to go to bed at 8 tonight?
What if “going to bed” really means watching Friday Night Lights in the dark with my dog until I fall asleep?
As Ted Mosby would say, I’m pulling. it. off. I’ve moved into a new phase of this cold that involves compulsive sneezing and nose blowing. I’ve got a gross lunch and a pile of Kleenex on my desk and the fuzzy sleepy eyes. But by god, I turned in another job application today - the seventh in seven business days.
(Whether the application is any good is anyone’s guess, but it’s IN.)
Two views of my nearly full term belly (and my full of laundry bed). I found this shirt/dress in the back of my closet and am kicking myself for forgetting about it. I think Kevin bought it for me early on when my stomach didn’t quite fill it out yet. I’m generally feeling so much better in fall clothes than in the old-tanktop-jean-shorts uniform I wore the last few weeks of summer. Leggings for the win.
You know how women late in their pregnancies always say, vaguely, how uncomfortable they are? And you don’t really understand why or how and they can’t really explain it? Well I’ve become one of them. People ask how I’m doing and I’m like, “Great! Just a little uncomfortable sometimes.” What does that even mean? If I try to break it down, I guess I’d say:
- First and foremost, I am SO HOT. All the time. I change clothes multiple times per day. My face is permanently flushed - I kind of look like I have a sunburn on my cheeks. I now regularly sleep in my underwear, something that was never really my jam before. Today I got so steamy on a crowded bus it made me nauseous. When I got up from the table at the doctor’s office this morning the paper sheet they use to cover it was soaked with my sweat (tmi? oh well…). I’m always taking layers off or hiking up my skirt or otherwise making myself look less than dignified. Right now, in fact, I’m fighting the urge to remove my boots, socks, and leggings and sit in my office barefoot in what at this point would be a very inappropriately short dress. I kind of feel like I have a fever all the time, if that makes sense. Hot and achy and just off.
- I’m also tired a lot. That kind of tired that’s like “I need to take a nap right now or everything will continue to seem annoying and pointless and impossible.” Sometimes I get so tired I feel like I can’t read what’s on my computer screen.
- I grunt. Involuntarily. Multiple times per day. Turning over in bed. Getting out of bed. Putting my clothes on. Putting my shoes on. Taking my shoes off. Getting off the couch.
- Just going up a flight of stairs takes my breath away. Walking any sort of distance at any sort of reasonable speed gives me Braxton-Hicks contractions, which to me feel like I’m doing a hard ab workout.
- Sometimes the baby, as easy as its been on me, feels stuck in a crowded position. My abdominal muscles will just ache in places because a foot or knee or something is pushing and pushing where there’s no room to push.
- I’m always thirsty, my lips are always dry, and I always, always have to go to the bathroom.
It’s FINE. I have it easier than 99% of pregnant ladies, I’m convinced. I’m sleeping okay, I’m eating great, I’m not having crazy mood swings or swelling or scary preterm labor symptoms or anything like that. And I kind of love medical stuff, so a big part of me experiences all of this with fascination. And I’m happy - so happy. I’d do this for another 9 months if I had to, easy. So happy, and such, SUCH a hot mess.